The Restless Heart
by moonswirl
Summary: Gleekathon, day three hundred and eighty-one:  rmm 2/8  There is only so much deception one person can go through before hope is hurt...


_Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 18th cycle. Now cycle 19!_

**READ MY MIND SET** - _I've been wanting to do something like this, in some way, for a while now. Listening to the song "Read My Mind" by the Killers, there were a set of lines I thought might be good for inspiration, so...here we are! There will be EIGHT, four in the first week of this cycle, four in the third/last.  
_**TODAY:** _"The Restless Heart"_

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**"The Restless Heart"  
Kurt **

He wanted to get it right, just for once. He was growing tired of putting himself out there only to find he would remain still wrong, still alone. He'd known what he was getting into when it came to Finn, really, deep down he did. He didn't want to say it to himself, maybe because he didn't want to admit he'd always be the only one of the two of them who'd feel what he felt. He'd known Finn long enough and all he needed to know… It was all in front of him.

Sam was new. Kurt didn't know a thing about him, so all bets were off… And maybe it was wishful thinking, but he'd become positive finally his time had come… No more wrong assumptions, no more deception… How much he'd wanted it, he didn't realize until then… His heart had dared to latch on to this possibility as his 'turn' finally being called… Before long though, he'd be wondering if he should have told it just not to bother again… It sure felt like that was what the world was telling him.

Of course… of course, he'd been wrong… again… He'd been so convinced, and then… no… He'd read something once, about repeating actions and expecting different results… It was starting to feel that way.

How was he supposed to keep hitting brick walls and be expected to keep picking up and walking along like he wasn't feeling every hit still… Whether he'd admit it or not, it was painful to keep being denied. He'd see them all, happy and in love, walking along… hand in hand… kissing… He wanted his dance, his white knight… He'd waited, he'd been patient… He'd been patient enough… He was stuck in a line, everyone cutting in front of him. So still he stood there. There was only so much that he could take.

He had all these expectations about… a life in love, not just that, reciprocated love. He remembered days when he had no idea it would be this hard… He wouldn't exactly say he missed them, because then what would that say, that he missed delusion? No, he knew how it really was now, and he had to. Still…

It wasn't enough that he apparently went about finding love with rose-colored glasses; everyone always had to make him feel worse for it. HE was young, people his age were bound to jump head first into that world… The difference was the others knew right where they would land, had plenty of space to do it… Kurt didn't have that luxury. So he'd land, not quite on mark, bumping into people outside his zone, and then they'd resent 'the intrusion' when he was just trying to find his way, like the rest of them. Even the best of them, with the best of intentions, didn't realize…

He'd always thought it, how much he wanted a romance like his parents', and he still meant it, still wanted it… It seemed so simple… Boy meets girls – or in his case, boy meets boy – and then… a spark… It doesn't matter anymore what may have happened in the past, because now they've got each other, and that feeling in their hearts is undeniable… They know they feel it, and with any hope they know the other feels it, too… Just one glimpse and then they're hooked… Maybe no one gets what they're doing together, but once and for all those thoughts don't matter.

How was he supposed to get that spark at first sight if he kept getting it wrong? He didn't want to go off and start doubting his instincts, but what else was he supposed to think when he'd taken two shots and struck out at each one? Was he really hopeful enough to go and rely on the concept of 'third time's a charm' when his head was angling more for 'three strikes, you're out'?

He couldn't back down, no… not when the alternative was a life, alone. He'd go and play the fool for love; he'd give it another shot… At this point, maybe the universe owed him one. It had to come and show him he hadn't tried and tried in vain. It couldn't be for nothing that he'd been shown such a perfect love story like his parents' if it wasn't to strive for something just as great, just as life altering… They'd made him believe it was possible, so who was he to let that go to waste? It needed to live on, to continue, to be passed on to more to love and be loved.

THE END

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**_[A/N: This is a one-shot ficlet, story alert won't get you anything! ;)]_**


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